Today

For just a second I want to imagine that I am that person who I always thought I would be.  Were that a reality, however, I am just not sure who I would be.  While this seems like circular rationalization, it really is just a reflection of the chaos that seems to be a part of everyday life.
For just a second, let me indulge in this concept of knowing who I am, knowing what I want, and being that person that is confident that things will be as they should be.  Am I the only one that has had these kinds of thoughts, wonderings, wishes, ponderings...?
In all actuality, as crazy as my life is 99 percent of the time, I am not willing to change my experiences, although I must say, some experiences have not been as enjoyable as others.  Take for instance my decision, and what I believe was God pushing me, to find a different job.  I applied for several months to dozens, and I mean multiple dozens, of potential opportunities.  Within that time I had more denial letters than I had interviews, which in and of itself seems a bit odd at times, yet I continued to search and apply with a faith that this is what I am supposed to do and when the position becomes available that God has intended for me to have, I would then have a new job.
Then came the day that I interviewed for a position with Child Protective Services, and was told through an inside source, that I was chosen for the position however there was now a hiring freeze in effect. Once more, God is teaching me He is in control.  Three months later, I am now, finally, getting ready to leave my comfort zone and begin a new career.  Which brings me back to my experiences and how they have shaped me over my lifetime.
To begin again; to start over; to be at the bottom of the rank and file can be intimidating.  To learn something new, even though it can be exciting, is at a minimum, a case of butterflies in the tummy.  The unknown is more often a hazy shadow just out of reach of the sun's rays, but I still seem drawn to it. 
As I am cleaning out the two offices I occupy I wonder how many of these things will I be ablet to take to my new position.  I try to picture what my old office will look like with its new occupant.  Sure this may seem unimportant but it is the last step of leaving. 
I have 2 days left with a department that I have given 11 years to and then, on Monday, it will be an entirely new experience to go to work.  I am excited to move on, and at the same time, am experiencing a bit of grief, perhaps if nothing else, for leaving my comfort zone and leaping into a new experience.
But I am not worried.  God put me on this path to this new experience and while I do not know what it will be like, He does.
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way."  Psalm 37:23